Friday, 31 July 2015


It has been a long while again blog.
I can't say I have missed writing in this all that much. 
Last time I wrote in this, well, I have no idea what was going on then, I was not myself. I was doing things that make you forget and I am still suffering from the effects. Despite me having stopped in February this year, staying off everything even alcohol (except for special occasions) However, recently I've started again, It doesn't help much, but I'm just trying to find ways to cope.
I still am not myself, but, I think, I am trying to find out who I really am; who I am going to become.

So this year I have moved house twice, I'm not going into details as to why because, now, it is neither here nor there. We'll leave it as I now live in a house with a live in landlord who is awesome, to say the least. So far, it has been the best place I've lived.
I'm currently waiting for a DBS check for a new job, I am excited to start. I am also feeling terrified and very alone in this.
I have been to the doctors a lot recently because my health is just down the pan at the moment, Because I've been having unwanted stress reactions and I've generally been feeling unsure of myself, I have also made an appointment to see a counsellor. I wonder if it'll do me any good. Probably not because it never has in the past but these days, I am so desperate to find a place within myself where I can honestly say the words "I'm doing fine" that I am willing to do anything to try.

That is a general sum up.
Now, for the reason that I started to write a post.
I am trying to write a book. A wise woman told me I should take something from my own life and write about it. At first I thought she meant to write an autobiography of myself, To which I thought "No one in the entire world would believe that a)half the stuff had even happened and b) that any of it could have all happened to the same person"
And then she explained.
Why not take one of my experiences and make it into a book.
Obviously the choice here is "which, of the million things, should I write about?"
So I thought. I thought long and hard. I had already decided which thing I would write about, I just hadn't been able to decide how I would manage to do it without hurting myself in the process. By the end of writing it will no longer contain any links to me, but whilst I'm writing it it's all going to hit very close to home. But it is quite a common issue these days. Even if most people don't know it,
If anything, I think it could help people who have also been through similar situations.
I started this post to help me to start writing the book. 
I think I'm ready.

By the way, the wise woman was my sister, naturally,