Monday, 25 March 2013


I haven't posted in two weeks.
This is because I've had a lot going on, and haven't managed to get my thoughts in order in my head let alone outside of it. It has been difficult, and still very much is.
What has happened in these past two weeks is that I have been made homeless. Again. 
Anyone who knows me or knew me this time last year knows that I was homeless this time last year too.
It's so difficult going back to not having all of my belongings around me and in a place I can go back to after a day of college.
My ex landlords were awful people.
Nver ever trust people who have money or pretend like they have money.
They will screw you over.
They will give you one eviction date, then lie about tenancy agreements and kick you out in a week. Without reason (what it was was that I told them that I do have rights and they couldn't just walk in on me in any room in the house, even though it is their house, because I pay rent to have the right to my own privacy, and they really didn't like that I knew they couldn't do this)
These people broke the law. I'm not going to do anything about it, because I don't want to ruin their lives like they ruined mine, but if they keep threatening me with money and court ( I paid it back - there's no way to prove I have paid it back, but there's also no proof that they even lent it to me, so there's no way they can get more money off me just because they're in debt) Yeah, if they keep threatening me I'm just  going to pull that out,show how they've broken the law, and screw them straight the hell back over.
Cause if they want to push me more, then I will snap and stand up for myself.

So I'm back to being homeless. I went to the council and social services have been made aware. Good thing I've been in their care before (y/n?) cause it means they can just pull out a file on me rather than  make a new one.
They were supposed to find me somewhere for Saturday (my second eviction date) however they didn't, So I was told I would have something today. But no. They've said there will be something for me tomorrow... I am reeaally doubting it.
Good thing I have friends this year around.
They've all been great, putting up with me being stressed at the moment, and by allowing me to crash on their sofas, and cheering me up. I  am forever grateful to those who are there for me.

Sunday, 10 March 2013

I don't even...

Things keep going downhill.
I haven't stopped crying in hours now. I just came back from a run. And I still haven't stopped. It's too cold outside. It's snowing. It reminds me of the times I've had to stay outside when it was snowing. And how cold I got.
Everyone in my life turns out to be a terrible person. I'm surprised I don't yet expect everyone to be awful to me all the time. I still have hope that people have good in them. I guess that's good. It means one day, I might meet someone who isn't going to screw me over.
I'm in a stage where I'm thinking, if the world throws one more thing at me, I'm going to give up; I give myself permission to. But the world throws something and I feel like I need something else before I can give up.
So that's good.
I'm not giving up.
I don't have the capacity to let people down by giving up.
I'm gonna keep fighting, but we know it's not for me.

If you know of somewhere, preferably salisbury, where I can rent a room, please, get in contact with me asap.

Saturday, 9 March 2013


I love it when I see that people have checked my blog when I haven't pestered anyone to, and I haven't even done a post. A lot of people did yesterday. Haven't done a post in a week agaaain.
This is just a quick one anyway.
To bitch that I always hear people have been saying things about me (that aren't true, or have been twisted)
But no one will ever say these things to my face.
It's damn annoying.
If people have so much to say about me (which apparently they do) why the hell don't they just ask me if any of it is true, or bitch to my face?Well, the simple answer is that they're idiots. The slightly longer is that they don't want to find that what they have heard is wrong because it's juicy gossip. And of course, people must know that when they do accuse me of untrue things, and I then hear about it from a string of people, that I would like to punch them in the face, and obviously they won't say these things right to me because they know that I will.
Well, okay, I don't have the actual heart to punch someone, even if I really want to hit someone, I'm always scared of hurting them. But I will defend myself, cause I'm not taking shit from people anymore.

I really honestly don't mind when someone has heard something about me and want to ask me if what they've heard is true, I don't mind putting them straight. But it's when they just automatically believe it. That gets to me.
Anyone who knows me will automatically know that those things aren't true anyway. I don't have the capacity to do those things.

But, to be honest, I guess it's okay to have people bitching about me. Know why?
Because I'm happy.
Even if people will believe twisted truths and downright lies, that doesn't affect that I'm really happy.
And I wouldn't be half as happy as I am if I hadn't felt the true sadness's that I have felt in previous years.
So this is just a big 'Fuck you' to twats who can't keep out of other people's businesses.