Monday, 2 September 2013

People are penises

So yesterday I was just off on my way for a leisurely bike ride with my friend. We went on a dual carriage way, we had discussed beforehand what way we were going, but I, being the dick that I am, thought we were going a different way. So we get on this dual carriageway, I'm just getting up some speed, when my friend is suddenly stopped. Of course, being a complete bumhole I decide to slam on my brakes because in my brain that was sensible.
I hadn't seen all the gravel on the floor.
My bike wiggled a little and before I could do anything it was on top of me and I was on the floor with it on top of me screaming.
Thoughts that ran through my head in the half a minute under my bike:
-Shit what if I've fucked my bike up
-Omg my knee is killing me
-Where is my other knee?
-Oh it's there, and it hurts too
-They don't really hurt hurt
-Are they even there?
-Where have my knees gone?
-I feel like I'm being pressed down
-Hang on, that's pavement in front of my face
-Oh, my bike is on me; what if I don't have legs any more?
-If my bike is broken I might as well not have any legs cause I can't afford to fix it
-How am I gonna fix my bike?
-Why is my bike on me?
-That was a silly move on my part
-I was drinking last night what if I am actually still over the limit (I wasn't, it was more than twelve hours since I'd stopped drinking and I hadn't had a whole lot anyway)
-Omg I really hope I don't have to go to A&E cause I'm well tired.
-Hang on, I'm screaming but why can't I hear it?
-Maybe it's a dream

At which point my friend had lifted my bike up and I realised that my knee was bleeding but very much still attached. I stood up and bumbled around a bit. I still couldn't hear and then my eyes went funny, so whilst my friend scootched my bike out of the way onto the grass, I sat in the middle part of the dual carriageway on some grass and tried to work out how hurt I was and when I'd be able to see again to move so I definitely wouldn't get hit by anything. Which was when I decided it would be a good idea to try and walk across the road to get to my bike. To me, that took ages. I had my eyes shut because having them open hurt too much anyway because everything was all out of focus and everything looked like a picture where someone had tweaked the brightness up so much that everything was blending in together.

First things I said out loud after making it over to my bike:
-I can't hear
-I can't see
-I need some coke.
-Is my bike okay?
-My knee looks like I need to do something to it.

My friend rode off to get me some coke and antiseptic stuff for my knee

In that half an hour I sat down and recovered my hearing and normal eyesight.
I walked around a bit because I assumed by this point that I just bruised my knees pretty badly like last time I came off, but this time also ruined my FAVOURITE jeans because they were now ripped and bloody.
I tried to start my bike to find that it wouldn't start (I hadn't turned the key to start with. When I realised that I did not notice that; It was in gear; I had the side stand down; The killswitch had been turned on when I came off my bike and I hadn't even looked to turn it back off.)
So I call my other biker friend I know who, because it was Sunday, I assumed wouldn't be at work and knew enough about bikes to come help me out. He agrees to come help me. I stand and cry a bit at the thought of being so close to being back to college but possibly having broken my bike.
My friend got back from the shop, I start feeling okay after I drink some coke. As I jimbled about with my knee and antiseptic wipes, he starts my bike no problem, and then the friend I had called turned up from a basically wasted journey because I was an idiot. He was a cool guy about it. He gave my bike a look over and actually, apart from knocking off a little bit of the inside of one of my indicators (doesn't matter about that at all) my bike is absolutely fine.

I rode back into town and hung out for a bit. I was meeting my friend later and basically just bummed around. He dragged me up A&E when he heard I hit my head and hurt myself with an unknown degree of actual damage. Turns out that was a good idea cause while my head was fine, and my knees were just bruised as I thought cause of last time, because I didn't have the proper sort of stuff to clean it up with, my knee was infected which was why it got more and more difficult to walk on it. Now I have to take damn tablets -.-

I would love to be able to blame me coming off of my bike on the fact that my friend I was riding with didn't have a working back brake light, but I can't because it was pretty much that I wasn't paying enough attention to what he was doing on the road so it was basically just all my bad (except that the gravel should NOT have been there)

The reason I decided to write about this is because I was disgusted at the idea that I was sat on my own by that road (possibly in tears at one point) and not one person stopped. No one stopped to see if I was badly injured, I mean, I hit my head I could have been bleeding or some shit. No one even popped their head out the window and shouted over. I can't believe how dickish people can be.
The other thing is, my friend who came out to help me, lost his bike key while we were back in town, and cause he didn't have a spare anywhere cause the template was discontinued, he had to hotwire his own bike. No one tried to stop him. I knew it was his bike. He knew it was his bike. But no one else did, and that's ridiculous that people are so ignorant.

No comments:

Post a Comment