Thursday, 28 February 2013

Smoking Dragons

Recently a lot of people have been asking me that question. The 'Why do you smoke?' question.
Well, here are my ten reasons for why I smoke:
Before you read them though, I want you to know that I am not addicted to smoking. I just don't find it addictive in any way. I had my first fag back when I was eleven, and I didn't care much for it. Probably because my friend gave me one that she had hidden between some bricks before school, and I just didn't understand it. I still don't like rollies. Throughout secondary school I tried smoking various times. In year eleven I used to nick my friends just because I wanted that lightheaded feeling so that I wouldn't have to think for a while. The main reason I never started smoking myself, was because I didn't have the money. Now I do.
But yeah, it's not an addiction for me, it's a comfortable habit. One that I like and that I don't want to stop yet, because of these reasons:

1. The fags I smoke taste nice. With or without lighting it, it simply just tastes really nice.
2. The ones I buy are the least bad for you. They are about seven pounds for a pack of twenty, which is on the slightly more expensive side of things, but they are less bad for you than a brand like marlborough reds. My brand have less toxins in them, which while still not being good for you, are better than the other brands you get.
3. It's social. There's no way around that. No matter how isolated you make a smoking area, it will always be social. You can start a conversation with anyone when you're both having a nice fag. When I don't want to smoke alone because my friends are off elsewhere, I'll ask someone near me if I can borrow a lighter, and start a conversation with them then.
4. It's very relaxing. If I'm having a stressful day (happens a LOT) when I sit down and have a fag, on my own or with others, I am instantly relieved from my stresses. I worry less and I'll feel more able to cope with the problem
5. Not only does it relax me itself, it gives me those five-ten minutes to think over my problem and work out a good solution
6. Actually helps with my travel sickness. On a bus, I will feel travel sick if the heaters are on, if I'm upstairs, if I am sat on the lower deck in the front seats, especially if they are sideways. The best place for me to not feel sick is downstairs on the seats just before the back ones. Usually the non-drivers side. Having a cigarette just before the bus leaves, I don't know how or why, but it helps me to not feel sick. It doesn't always work, but it'show I've been managing the bus journeys to and from college this year.
7. It occupies time. When I have to wait for something, for instance a bus or for someone to finish up something, I never used to have anything to do to occupy myself before. I never used to know what to do with my hands. Now, I'm like, okay, They're going to be at least ten minutes, I'll have a fag while I wait.
8. It stops me from being hungry. That's an awful reason. Hear me out. When I am at college and I haven't bought any food with me, and I don't have any money, it is very useful to have a tool that will prevent me from being hungry until I get home or I can blag someone into lending me some money, or I can nick someone's chips.
9. I can bargain with myself with fags. I can control exercising and eating better. I can tell myself, if you go for a run that lasts more than an hour, you can have a fag next time you want one. Or if I want to eat something bad for me, like chocolate, I make myself decide between fags and chocolate. I usually choose neither on those occasions, because it's usually a case of having to go outside for either of those, and it's been cold recently.
10. Because of the last two points, I have lost more than a stone over the past month.
And lastly,
11. I can blow smoke out of  my nose and pretend to be a dragon.

Which reminds me, Kieran the dragon turned up at mine the other day, I was shocked to see him. He never calls beforehand. I wish he had though. It seems he has found himself some new friends. They're not dragons, oh no, they're rats.
He turned up on my doorstep the other day, and barged on in before I could say anything, six brown rats with glimmering eyes lined up behind him, smirking at me as they went past. Kieran settled himself on my couch, and set to work entertaining himself and his friends by setting my coffee table on fire with his fire breath. The rats all found places to squish themselves around Kieran. I guess they get around by clinging onto him as he flies.
I still don't know why Kieran turned up at my house. After I put out the coffee table fire, Kieran sent the rats out of the cat flap and he fell asleep. I didn't know what to do. In the end I pulled out my air conditioner, and set it to 'complete ice'. I positioned it to face Kieran, and within seconds, he was in a block of ice.
He's still there. I just didn't want him wrecking more things in my house! I don't know when the rats will be back. I don't know what to do with Kieran as of yet. I guess I'll need to get rid of him before the rats get back.

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