Sunday, 20 January 2013

Manic writing,

Not going to lie here, it feels like I'm going crazy today.
I can't sit still and the work piling up around me, is staying piled up around me.
I have an exam tomorrow.
All I can do is keep moving.
I don't want to stay still.
I wasn't like this last night.
Last night I was downright depressed, and I had my friend come over to cheer me up a bit. Of course, because said friend has their own shit going on, I ended up not being able to be real, and instead was trying very hard to be happy in front of them. Which was hard because they are the person I seriously am most relaxed with.
I met another friend yesterday afternoon, played in the snow. Just to get out of the house mainly though really. I felt like the walls were coming in on me and suffocating me. In a different way to today. Yesterday, they were going to swallow me whole and I was going to disappear forever. Today, they're going to push and press into me until I pop from between them and fly away.
So I'm doing some mindless writing to try and calm it down.
Which isn't particularly working. I don't feel particularly depressed today.
Not like yesterday.
I should really be revising. Or doing that coursework. Because the deadline is tomorrow.
I'm wondering if I should just forget about tomorrow. I'm going to be exhausted.
I can tell.
Well, during my manic day today I have tried a million times to do that work, and instead have ended up buying lots of things online. By lots I mean I tried to control it by staying on one site. A piercing one. Because I am sick of not having any. I also tried to repierce my lip (third time in the past few months) but I decided against it today. I thought about doing my nose again. But that is going to hurt. And I didn't have the patience to wait for numbing gel stuff to numb it first. So instead I decided that it is time to increase the size of my tunnel. at the moment it is a 7.5mm and it looks awesome. I just bought an 8mm spiral and a 10mm tunnel for it. Then I have also apparently decided that I needed to stretch the other side and am now waiting for stretcher up to 4mm to turn up in the post. Of course they aren't going to come today so silly me.
Oh, I have also shoved some pink in my hair. I forgot about that for a minute there. I just tried to sort my fringe out because it's all pushed back and caught a handful of foil and dye instead.
And I also have a belly bar in my ear.
Maybe I should get my bellybutton pierced. I'd like to but I'm chubby so I don't know. My friend thinks I should get a tongue piercing. But that will hurt, and I can't do that one myself. Not that I would do my belly one myself.
Or should I?
No. Bad idea.
Maybe I'll go have a fag and calm down a bit. That might work.
Must remember not to go back out in the snow in just my vest though. Last time that was rather cold after lying down for twenty minutes.
I hate that this year all over facebook everyone is just posting photos of themselves in the snow in their underwear. It's not as awesome as they seem to think.

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