Monday, 12 November 2012

can do it

Okay, so evidently I didn't end up leaving today. I couldn't leave for a couple hours after I had written that post anyway, so I stayed in college and went to my English feedback session which wasn't as bad as i thought, and to waste the time after that I got stuck back into my coursework. When the time came that I could leave and catch a bus out (I can't deal with trains very well) I started walking, but it was like walking through sludge. My feet were heavy and I didn't want to have to lift them. I couldn't do it. I knew that there are more important things than the past, so I couldn't make myself walk out of there into the unknown. I feel like that a lot though. I hardly ever manage to actually get on the bus or train that I'm heading for.
this doesn't mean the past doesn't hurt though, or that I won't feel the same tomorrow. It does, so much so that I can't always function and need a hand through. I did it on my own today though. What it does mean is that now, when I get like this tomorrow or whenever, I'll know I can get through it after all. Plus tomorrow I have a half day because I do not have to go to English in the afternoon. So I can still do this. The in between panicky moments always make me stronger in the end.
I'm off to go meet my new flatmate now. Hope she has cake...

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