Not fair

It's a year later and still it gets to me. I can't believe it because I thought it would have gotten better by now, just a little bit. But it still hurts and only two people know that I can talk to because the others fucked off and aren't who they were meant to be and I am left so alone in this. It doesn't feel good and I can't do tomorrow. I can't. I'm going to be pretending all day again and it's a little too much and I can't help but want to fall down and stop. Will it be like this every year? Will I constantly be looking back and seeing how much of a mess I let into my life and fuck me up? I hope not. I already know it has fucked me over big time. I don't need all of these reminders. And I wish I had someone that I can talk to about this because I really don't. The one person I can is already my go to person for everyfuckingthing else and I can't keep offloading on them because it just isn't fair.

Life isn't fair. Not for me.